Mentally this was the hardest. The physical side effects you would not wish on your worst enemy. A war hitting your body. At the same time I have found it nothing to what I envisioned.
I find the mental harder than the physical. I only have to open a cupboard where my medication is kept to cause me to dry reach. (sorry if it's too much info). I have had an easy road compared to some. My friend Helen ( we finish chemo on the same day) whom I have met through chemo has ended up in hospital every time after chemo. She has sufffered so much more than me. We laugh so much together over what cancer has put us through.
I have battled on at home. Tonight I'm having it easy. A week and a half after I am still trying to get rid of a few sores on my mouth and throat ulcers which are causing me havoc. I can hardly eat or swallow but it's more annoying more than painful. I can't wait till this is over.
Sometimes I feel like Nanny that this may be my last Christmas, ( she told me we never know if it's the last so we have to make the most of it to spend time with family and enjoy what means the most to us ) . I feel sad then I feel strong. Most of the time I feel this cancer will not rob me of my life. 99% of the time I am very positive.
I have a little girl in the next room with a temp and coughing. She has been sick for two days with temps over 38 degrees. I look after her but knowing I may catch watch she has. ( I wouldn't have it any other way) It scares me as I know if I get her temp I will end up in hospital. Leah has been mid 38 degrees the last two days, with aches and pains). Jason worked today ( out of the norm) so it was only me to look after her. What can I do. Life goes on. If I get a temp of 38 or more I am into hospital straight away.
My good friend Lou has driven me to my last two chemos' She has found it hard to sit there with me (it's a hard thing to do) but she has been amazing. She has given me strength to get through these last two sessions. She took these photos on her phone. My new hair is so blonde it doesn't even show up on pictures. '
I have lost a few more eyebrows this time around but my new growth covers that up.